Update after a long leave of absence

Wow! I can't believe it has been so long since I've updated my blog. I'd like to say I've been busy rehabbing my knee, but I've actually taken a break from physical therapy and have been enjoying the usage of my knee!

First, here's a relatively recent picture. This one is about three months post-op, so it was taken about a month ago.

As you can see, my knee still isn't back to its normal state, but it is so much better. My scars are fading so fast! I've been using Mederma on the big one, but not regularly. It is on my to-do list, though!

So the last few months have been great! I'm still on the blood thinners, and they seem to be doing their job. My blood has stayed at a therapeutic level for the last several weeks. I see Dr. Nguyen, my hematologist, on Tuesday, and I'm hoping he will take me off the Coumadin at the end of the summer. It will certainly make shaving my legs a less scary proposition! ;-)

The best part of this post is that I can announce that I'm back to the gym with very few restrictions! Woohoo! I am able to ride the recumbent bike for as long as I can handle (which is about thirty minutes because I get bored beyond that) and then elliptical as well. I usually do thirty minutes on the elliptical as well. Earlier this week, I tried the StairMaster and found that it didn't KILL my knee. It didn't feel good, but it gave me a heck of a cardio workout, so I say YESSSSS!! Yesterday I tried to run for the first time. Ehhh, the knee is not quite ready for that. I made it 1/2 a mile, but it was a hobble-run and didn't feel good. I'm going to hold off a little longer before I try again. :-(

I now have a personal trainer who helps me keep my knee safe on the gym floor. I've always been anti-trainer, thinking I could do it myself because I have always been very active and have always worked out. Wow, what a difference a trainer makes!! My core has gotten so strong and I've learned more than I ever thought possible about form, technique, and equipment. I'm so excited to see the results after a good four months with his help!

Spring break: Success and Failure!

Spring Break! A week every school-aged child and school teacher looks forward to each spring. Coming off a 4 1/2 week work-free recuperation, I can't say I was burned out or really needed the break, but who am I to argue? I was most excited about having time to do whatever it is I want. In a perfect world, that would happen, but with five kids...eh, it didn't. I did have a few successes and many failures over the last week, so onward to the chronology.

Successes!!

1. Gold's Gym!! Yep, I was cleared to go back to the gym this week, so last Saturday I returned. They had a great deal on personal training and it's a long story, but I had to purchase a four-month training contract to start my membership back up at the same rate. I agreed, only because I think it will help to have someone help me get back into a weight training routine without injuring or stressing my knee. My trainer's name is Chad; he's from Alabama, so he has a Southern accent and says "yes, ma'am" a lot. haha! Hopefully he can teach me some stuff I don't already know!

2. Cleaning- My bedroom is clean. So is my bathroom. Of course, my laundry is piled to the ceiling, but we will add that to the "Failures" list.

3. The Easter bunny was prepared-  I finished my Easter shopping for four of the five kids (what do you buy an 18-year-old for his basket?) by Thursday. Usually this Easter bunny shops late Saturday night and complains at 2:00 a.m. as she's constructing baskets. Not this year!

4. Easter dinner- A plethora of tantalizing treats, most of the recipes I had gathered from Pinterest earlier in the week: a Honeybaked ham, twice-baked potatoes, roasted green beans and mushrooms in a light balsamic drizzle, mosaic jello squares, deviled eggs, and strawberry shortcake for dessert. An overwhelming YUM!

Now for the failures (boo! hiss!)

1. My diet- Big fat fail this week, with the emphasis on FAT! I came close to staying within my calorie goal range most days this week, but there was more than one day when, at some point, I threw in the towel and stopped counting. One of those days was "Fondue Night". I certainly may have eaten my entire day's worth of calories in cheese. Well worth it, though. I deserve a splurge now and again. Overall, though, I spent the week hungry. It didn't matter when I had last eaten or what I had eaten...I was hungry all week long. As scary is it to admit, I was looking forward to going back to work just so I wouldn't be tempted to eat!

2. Bored kids and projects- I had planned on doing a few projects with the kids and a few sewing projects and nothing got started. We did, however, spend some time at the park, so I guess that counts. Teddy spent his week at work and the older boys spent theirs fighting over who gets to play on the Xbox Live profile. Happy, happy, joy, joy.

3. Bad blood- For whatever reason, the more Coumadin I take, the thicker my blood gets! It makes no sense, but it is what is happening. My doctor still says not to worry and that he will get my dosage right, but I'm getting further and further off track. My INR is 1.4 and should be between 2-3. Last week it was 1.6 The week prior 1.8. I don't get it!

Overall, I'd say my +'s outweighed my -'s this spring break. My goal for the next month is to lose five pounds by watching my diet more closely and adding more cardio into my workout. I'm up to 30 minutes on a 10 incline on the treadmill (walking at 2.7mph) and 30 minutes on the bike on level 9. I hope to add to that this week as well as to my upper-body workout! I'm not entering the home stretch. Only eight weeks left to a summer of freedom. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

Back to work!

Last Thursday, March 8th, was my first day back at work. I wisely chose to come back on a Thursday so that I would only have to work two days and then would have the entire weekend to recover. Wow, what a smart thing that turned out to be! You can't even begin to imagine how exhausted I was. I came home from school on Thursday, kicked back in the recliner, turned on the fireplace right next to me, and slept for two hours. Now, for many that may not seem like a big deal, but for me, it is. I can't sleep anywhere but my bed (and the movie theater LOL), and I rarely take naps. Unfortunately, I had to wake up. If I hadn't had to make dinner, I could've slept all night right there.

My students were glad to have me back, and I was glad to see them. It's so nice to be loved and missed! My first period made me a sign, and when I walked into fifth period, they shouted, "Welcome back!" and had written nice notes on the board. I truly have the best job in the entire world.

My weekly schedule is really crazy. Physical therapy on M, W, and F and hematology lab work on Tuesday. PT is going REALLY well. I can pedal backward on the bike now. YAY!! That's a big leap for me. My knee pain is getting much better but I still have some stiffness and a "hitch in my giddyup". heehee Now on to hematology...not so good. My PT-INR (blood thickness) was 1.8 last week. I had to give myself a shot and increase my dosage. Today it was 1.5. What?!? How is it going down? It should be between 2-3. No shots today, but my dosage was increased again. I'm hoping this is just trial and error, trying to find the right dosage of rat poison, I mean Coumadin, for me.

I am afraid that I won't make it through this week without a day off. My right lung has been killing me lately. Usually it is a dull pain that starts late in the day (around fifth period) and gets progressively worse until as I'm getting ready for bed, I get sharp, searing pains in my upper right back. Bending over makes it worse as does lying on my side. I guess this "pleurisy" is normal and nothing to worry about. Hope it goes away soon!

On that note, I do believe I have a date with The Hunger Games tonight. I'm going to try to finish it before the movie comes out! :-)

Wow! Just when I thought I was on the road to recovery...BAM! Hit with a Mack truck disguised as a pulmonary embolism (PE). Two weeks ago, I didn't really even know what a pulmonary embolism was, but now I sure do.

On Thursday, February 16th, I went to physical therapy as usual and expressed that I had been having pretty severe pain in my calf and foot of my surgery leg. The physical therapist took a look at it and didn't think it was anything to worry about. I had none of the typical physical symptoms of a Deep Vein Thrombosis (DVT- blood clot). My leg wasn't swollen or red or warm. It appeared normal on the outside, but putting any pressure on it whatsoever was excruciating. I left physical therapy with the thought that it was a normal effect of the surgery. Blood pooling upon standing. Something like that.

Saturday morning I woke up and just decided that I should let my doctor know. I called Dr. Koe's answering service, and he called me back, suggesting that it is better to go in and get it checked than it is to wonder. With that piece of advice, I drove myself to St. Rose San Martin Hospital. Nope, it isn't the closest, but it is the fastest! I walked in the doors, wrote my name on the sign-in sheet, and was ushered back before I could even sit. The swiftness ends there, however. I spent the entire day in the ER. The first test ordered was an ultrasound of my left leg. The U/S showed no sign of DVT, thank goodness. The ER doctor asked if I had experienced any shortness of breath. Well, I've had issues with that related to anxiety in the past, so I mentioned that. He let me make the call. He could send me home, knowing there was no DVT in my leg, or he could do more extensive tests to be sure it hadn't travelled. I always like to rule things out, and I was already there, so I told him to go ahead and run the tests.

The first test he ran was called a D-Dimer. It tests your blood for possible clots. Mine came back abnormal. He said it is only 70-80% accurate, so no worries yet. The next step was a chest x-ray. The chest x-ray was clear. Next up, CT scan of the chest. Aha! Within about a half hour of my CT scan, the doctor came and told me that a small, peripheral pulmonary embolism was found in my right lung. I was immediately given two IV's.
 One was supposed to be for heparin and one was supposed to be open. Neither was used at any point during my stay. Figures!! I actually did request to have the one in the crook of my elbow removed, and they complied. It was REALLY hard to sleep or use that arm at all with the IV in.

I was admitted to the hospital thinking I would be gone the next day. WRONG!! I was in for six days, waiting for my blood levels to reach a therapeutic level between 2-3. It started at 1.2. In order to thin my blood enough to reach the level, I was put on Lovenox, an abdominal injection twice a day, and coumadin, an oral blood thinner. The nurses started by giving me the shots and then I took over on day four. I'll spare you all the pictures. hahaha The first time I had to poke myself three times before I got it right. It didn't hurt...it is just a little bit freaky to stab yourself with a needle.

I'll spare you the details of hospital life. I think everyone knows how stir crazy you get, especially after six days. I lost two pounds in the hospital, which is a surprise since the meals there are so carb-heavy. I was grateful for the visitors I had, friends and my babies. Here is a picture of my baby girl, visiting me at the hospital:  be kind...I'd been in the hospital without makeup for five days at this point! LOL

The night before I left the hospital, I couldn't sleep. Okay, so I haven't slept all night since my surgery, but this was different. I started to feel light-headed and short of breath. They put me on oxygen and I told them I was just really really anxious. I was so worried that I would do something to dislodge the clot and it would go straight to my heart or brain and it would kill me. I couldn't relax, so I took an extra pain pill, kept the oxygen on, and finally fell asleep. Thank goodness a different doctor came to see me for discharge.

The female doctor who showed up to discharge me spent a lot of time talking to me, unlike the previous doctors. I was finally able to express my concern and anxiety, and she was very reassuring. She told me the clot is at its final resting place. It can't move back from where it is. That made me feel SO much better. I wish all doctors would take the time to listen and answer questions like that. I left the hospital feeling confident that I'd be around a while.

I was sent home with Lovenox shots I had to give myself and a prescription for Coumadin. Luckily, my levels were therapeutic and I only had to give myself three shots at home and was told I could discontinue them.

There are a few daily reminders of the clot. I get tired REALLY easily. I can't even go up the stairs without getting out of breath. I guess that is normal. Also, when I take a deep breath, I can feel a twinge of pain on the far right side. Again, also normal.

What a scary event! You don't expect to have to go through things like this when you are relatively young and relatively healthy (minus the knee surgery). It definitely has made me count those who are a blessing in my life. I will never take a moment with my children for granted. I missed them so much!! I know they missed me, too, and it is great to be home! Now maybe I can finally get on with my recovery...

Hurdles...argh!

I fully intended to be blogging about juicing and blending today, but it just wasn't in the cards. Just when I thought I was on the road to recovery, having started physical therapy and starting to put some weight on my surgery leg...I'm met with some pretty major hurdles.

About a week ago, I started to get a red "spot" on my back, about half the size of the palm of my hand. It basically looked like and felt like a welt. I tried calamine and hydrocortisone, both to no avail. In fact, the calamine lotion made it hurt. It started itching, so I decided to go in to the dermatologist and check it out. It turns out that I have shingles. Awesome...another thing to set back my recovery. I didn't know anything about shingles, so I did some research and learned that after you have chicken pox, your body stores the virus in the nerve cell. Many people will see a reappearance of the virus in the form of shingles. Luckily, based on my research, most people only get one "case" of shingles a year. That's a good thing because my research also tells me that shingles can be incredibly painful. UGH! Luckily, I've only experienced some minor itching and some mild flu-like symptoms. I'm hoping that I caught it early enough so that the medication will kick it in the face. A friend of mine recommended L-Lysine, so I am using the highest recommended dosage (3g) a day. The doctor prescribed Valtrex, which I found out is also used to treat cold sores and herpes. I'm an adult, right? But I was still embarrassed when I picked up the prescription at the pharmacy. As if the pharmacist cares what I need the medication for! I made sure to clarify that I have shingles, not herpes. :-)

I've made a lot of progress with being able to put weight on my leg, but I noticed the last two days that I've had pretty excruciating charlie horses in my left calf and throbbing in my left ankle and foot. Last night I had to stop between the bathroom and the bedroom to cry. Nah, I pretty much wailed, because I was in so much pain. So much for cutting back on the pain meds. I took an Ibuprofen 800 and two Percocets and piled the ice packs on my knee and lower leg. When I went in to PT this morning, my adorable physical therapist (who I learned has a name...it's Tarah) was concerned. She thinks it is possible that I may have a Deep Vein Thrombosis (DVT=blood clot). She said my symptoms indicate that it is possible. However, upon massaging and inspecting my calf and foot, she doesn't see any visible symptoms (hard swollen spot, heat). I've been instructed to keep a close watch on it and if it gets more painful or if I see those visible symptoms, I should go to the ER.

On a positive note, the incision sites are healing and I am still able to put some weight on my leg. It has made getting dressed a whole lot easier! I no longer need my seven-year-old daughter to help me put on underwear. hehe Teddy and I went to Target today and I was able to crutch around the store. It wore me out, but it felt good to get out. He and his girlfriend Ashley are taking Athena to see Big Time Rush tonight. I wish I could have been the one to take my sweet girl to her first "concert". I've instructed them to take lots of pictures for me.

  My knee!! The incision sites are healing nicely and I am able to bathe again rather than shower (yay!!). I still have quite a bit of swelling, but I can see a kneecap in there. That's what I call improvement :-)

Physical Therapy- The good, the bad, and the ugly

Today was my first physical therapy appointment, and I have to say, I had mixed feelings going in. First of all, so many people have made little comments over the last few days that were enough to scare me just a bit, and it seems that everyone has a physical therapy story to tell-- "Oh man, that's when the fun begins! <insert evil laugh>"..."It's going to hurt. So-and-so told me he/she dreaded going because of the pain."..."Take an extra pain pill before you go!" Yikes! So yes, I was a little scared about what today would bring, but I was also excited. For me, physical therapy equals recovery, and today was the first step in what will be a long process.

After arriving and checking in, the physical therapist (I need to remember her name next time) tested the strength of my knee. I failed the initial test. She pointed out how my muscles had begun to atrophy and that I had no knee strength. Awesome! Kicking it off with some good news. She then hooked my knee up to a machine that would measure the strength as I flexed the knee and forced it straight. It didn't take long until I figured out exactly what she'd been asking me to do all along, and she changed her diagnosis. My knee is actually fairly strong this early post-op. The first set of exercises involved me lying flat and using my knee muscles to press my knee down into the table. I didn't realize this, but it is the MOST important part of recovery from ACL surgery. Bending the knee comes later. Anyway, so I would press my knee down and hold for five seconds ten times. The machine had a little meter, not unlike the strong-man hammer throw thing at a carnival. The more I pressed, the more it lit up. Talk about good incentive! Between each set of ten, I did ten heel slides, where I had to bend my knee up as far as I could, sliding my heel up toward my butt. Holy Mary, Mother of God...my knee was so stiff. This part was quite painful, but I worked really hard and saw some progress by the end of the three sets.

Physical therapist girl had me do a few more stretches, and then the best part...I got to lie on my stomach while she massaged my calf...ahhhhh!!! I had felt it getting sore over the last few days, but I didn't realize it was so sore. It was one of those "hurts so good" moments. I hope I get a calf massage every time! hahaha

One of the best things about today's physical therapy session is that I learned to walk again. I know, that sounds overly-dramatic, but she told me I've been babying my knee and basically I need to suck it up and start walking on it. Until now I've just been relying on crutches, but all afternoon I've actually been putting pressure on it and walking with my brace on (still supported by crutches, though, as I still feel like my knee could give out at any moment).

To finish off physical therapy, they hooked me up to the TENS (transcutaneous electrical nerve stimulation) unit and put a big ice pack on top of my knee. She gave me control of the intensity of the TENS unit, which probably wasn't a good idea. I may have some masochistic tendencies as I turned it up to see how far I could go before my leg started twitching and it felt like I was being stung by a million bees. Oh what fun! All in all, PT went very well!

After PT, I went to my favorite bakery/cafe, Layers, where everybody knows your name (okay, I'm totally singing the Cheers theme in my head and probably will be tomorrow morning, too. Better than the depressing Adele song that's been in my head all day, I suppose). Anyway, I bought my kids some Valentine cookies and ate breakfast. On another side note, they have the best everything and it is all organic. They were glad to see me. Everyone who works there has become like a friend to me, and I just love that place. I've missed them.

This evening I took 4/5ths of the kids to Chili's (their choice...gag. Teddy was out with Ashley). I got by with some chicken fajitas. I only ate one and brought the rest home, so I don't feel too guilty. I came home to a beautiful flower arrangement from my daddy. It was sweet, special, and it made me cry as it was totally unexpected! And that was a wrap to my Valentine's Day.

I'm glad to be off my pain medication, driving again, and on the road to recovery. I look forward to my next PT session. I hope it is as beneficial as today's was!

A New Deal

Since my injury, I won't lie, my biggest concern was how I could get through this without gaining too much weight. I've worked really hard over the last two years to get into what I would consider decent shape, and I have been really worried that this injury would seriously derail my efforts. When I found out about the necessary surgery and the long recovery process, I made myself a deal. I'm pretty good at bargaining with myself...unfortunately, one side of me is a big pushover! So I "gave" myself eight pounds. I determined that weight gain would be inevitable, so as long as I didn't gain more than eight pounds I would be happy. I immediately set out to change my diet so that I wouldn't gain more than that magical number over the next few months. I continued to weigh in every Friday, and I saw something that changed my thoughts on the "deal" I had made with myself. 

Over a period of two weeks on a new and improved lifestyle (like with many people nowadays, "diet" has become a four-letter word with me. I'm making a permanent change, not trying to make weight for a wrestling tournament), I lost five pounds. Without exercise. This got me thinking. Why do I need to "give" myself eight pounds? Why have I been SO incredibly focused on limiting my weight gain when I can actually strive to lose weight during the journey? I have always felt that I couldn't lose weight without exercise, because my body really does respond well to exercise, but at this point I have no choice. I have to do it with minimal cardio and strength training, but I've now made a new deal with myself, and that is to JUST DO IT! So far, I have been very successful, and my next post will explain just what I've been doing and how it has been working for me :-) 

Recovery...ugh!

It has been a few days since I've updated, mainly because I've been battling between the pain of my knee and going into a Lortab coma. Neither has been fun, and I'm still trying to find a happy medium.

While it is nice to be able to feel my leg now, the pain has been pretty intense. If I'm lying down with my knee propped, it isn't so bad. But when I try to move around or especially when I try to lift my leg up onto the bed...ouch!!! I've been told to take my pain pills regularly, to avoid the peaks and dips, but for someone who is used to suffering through a headache rather than taking Tylenol, this is all new to me. I don't like taking pain medication. It makes me feel groggy and sick to my stomach. You'd think it would help me sleep, but it does so only intermittently. I long for a good night's sleep...one during which I don't wake up in a cold sweat feeling woozy and weird. And then there are the digestive issues that come along with pain pills...oy!!

So this is what my knee looked like on day three. The word yes was written by me. I guess it is a last validation that it is the correct knee for the surgery. I can only imagine the horror one would feel upon waking from surgery, only to find out that the surgery was performed on the wrong part. heehee As you can see, my knee is insanely swollen and I actually have six suture points. The sixth one is hidden by the brace on the outside of the knee. This pic was taken with the brace open. The brace is huge and bulky and hideous. It is the armored truck of knee braces. It gets in the way when I pee and pulls down on my leg when I'm hobbling around on crutches. I hate it already.

Those of you who know me well won't find this as much of a surprise...I'm about to lose my mind, lying in bed all day long. I don't want to watch TV; I don't want to read; I don't want to sleep. I want out of this house...NOW!!! I'm hoping for a dinner out this weekend, but it will depend on how I'm feeling. Right now I can't imagine leaving home, as much as I'd like to.

Surgery Update

Well, yesterday was the big day. I went to Seven Hills Surgery Center (which I would highly recommend if one is ever given the option...the staff was prompt, professional, and took very good care of me!). It turns out that my pre-op nurse also goes to my church, has daughters who go to the same dance studio as Athena, and has a daughter in Lukas's orchestra class at school and catechism class at church. I knew I was in good hands!

I was taken back and given the very flattering hospital gown and then covered with warm blankets. As a naturally "cold" person, those things are always appreciated. I watched an interesting documentary on the Fresno Bulldog gang and learned how to throw the correct gang signs if I ever find myself in a dark alley in Fresno. Good to know...So the anesthesiologist came in and told me I was getting a femoral block which would numb my leg completely. What an odd sensation! She sedated me a bit (ahhhhh!!) and then had me roll to my stomach as she prodded the top of my thigh, making my hamstring, then calf, then ankle twitch. It was quite uncomfortable, but not unbearable. Next she had me roll over and she did the front, making my quad twitch and then down to my kneecap. I felt immediately numb.

The next thing I knew, I was rolling into the OR which was FREEZING. I was shivering and shaking and explained to the anesthesiologist that I have a low tolerance for cold. I believe I even apologized for shaking. She said, "It isn't you, honey. This room is set at 54 degrees right now. It IS freezing in here!" Dr. Koe was there. He reassured me that I'd be back in heels in good time (haha!!). He had some Zac Brown Band playing and said he hoped I like country. The last thing I remember is telling him I saw Zac Brown Band in concert last weekend. Then I felt a sharp pain in my left arm (the anesthesia going into my vein) and I was out!

I woke up in the recovery area and had a very chatty nurse. This got me to wake up quickly, but I really just wanted to sleep. I should have...I wasn't picked up until about an hour later.

Almost 24 hours later, my leg is still numb. It is soooo annoying. I think I'd rather feel some pain than feel like a zombie, dragging my dead leg behind me. I thought for sure I would sleep well last night, but I really haven't slept much since my surgery. And to be honest, I'm quite disappointed with the level of care I'm getting at home. Not be a whiner, but it would be nice if I didn't feel like I was putting everyone out by asking them to go downstairs and bring me a few bags of ice. Moms aren't allowed to be down for the count, I guess! Anyway, no pain so far, my leg is wrapped like a mummy for now, and I've had several very successful ebay wins this morning. HAHA!!

Today is the big day!

After a series of little roadblocks, I'm finally having my surgery today, two months after my injury. My first roadblock was when I showed up for my pre-op appointment and was told that I had called and cancelled my surgery. HUH?!? Obviously they were mistaken. I mean, it was probably a case of similar names. My last name is rather common (NOT!). Regardless, I rescheduled for today. Enter second roadblock on Tuesday. My primary doctor (whom I had seen in a pre-op appointment at the beginning of January) calls to inform me that she won't clear me for surgery until I have a chest x-ray. After about five minutes of ranting and raving to no one in particular, I called my ortho doctor who told me he doesn't require one and will do the surgery without. It was hard not to call my primary doctor back and give her the "na-ne-na-ne-boo-boo."

In preparation for my surgery, I had a massage last night. It was much needed but didn't quite take all the stress away. As a friend reminded me this morning, this is the easy part. I have a long road ahead of me during the recovery process, but I've been overwhelmed by the texts, emails, and facebook messages from friends and family who are sending me prayers and well-wishes. I'm so blessed!

Fitness Warrior Diva: Today, I cried...

Fitness Warrior Diva: Today, I cried...: ...over shoes. Yes, you heard me right. Today, I cried over shoes. Ridiculous, right? Ehhh, maybe so. It isn't like a few months ago when th...

Today, I cried...

...over shoes. Yes, you heard me right. Today, I cried over shoes. Ridiculous, right? Ehhh, maybe so. It isn't like a few months ago when the perfect Marciano black-and-white stilettos turned up at Nordstom Rack the day before payday. Do you think they were there the next day when I went back to get them? Of course not! Talk about non-buyer's remorse! No, this was much different.

Over the last few years I've developed a penchant for high heels. Stilettos, wedges, platforms, you name it. I like them in colors, unique prints, a pair for every outfit. Maybe it is because I am only 5'4 and wearing heels makes me feel "normal-sized". Or perhaps it is because I found that I could actually walk in them! There's something about putting on a dress and heels that just...well, it just makes me feel better.

So here I am today, working in my closet, trying to organize a little better to make room for my new shoes. New heels? Ummm, no. Because of my torn ACL and impending doom, I mean surgery, I can't wear heels for at least a year. In order to make room for my new flats, I moved all my heels up to the top of my closet.

Initially I felt relief at cleaning up my cluttered closet, but then I realized that I was packing away something I love. I never realized how much I equated heels with my femininity. I felt as though I was packing away everything that made me a woman. As I sat on the floor of my closet, separating my shoes and crying, I came to a realization. I know what you're probably thinking. I realized that shoes don't make the woman, right? That I can still be sexy and feminine in flats? Heck no! I realized that no matter what, I'm destined to live the next year in flat shoes at 5'4 and there isn't a darn thing I can do about it except buy some new shoes. So here is the start of my new shoe collection...

My First Post! And a run-down of why I'm here...

So here's my story...I've been an athlete all my life. As a kid and teenager, it was soccer, volleyball, basketball, track and I loved every moment of it. As I got older and had my kids, got a job, created a home for my family, I failed to make time to continue athletics. I gained weight with each kid and working out just became one more thing that sat at the bottom of my daily to-do list. I never lost the love for fitness...just the motivation to make it a priority.

18 months ago, at my heaviest weight, I decided that I needed to make myself a priority. I started walking, then running, then hitting the gym hard. After losing 40 pounds through diet and exercise, I decided to go back to something I was most passionate about as a teenager- playing soccer. I joined an indoor soccer league and felt that I had finally re-discovered the fun and excitement that I had a child. I was immediately planning future seasons, both indoor and outdoor. Then one day, as I was shooting a goal from a strange angle, I heard a loud pop and went immediately to the ground in intense pain. I was carried off the field and knew instantly that it was something serious. I spent the next week, unable to walk, in bed and found out through an MRI that I had torn my anterior crucial ligament (ACL) and my meniscus. Surgery was imminent.

So why blog about it? A few reasons. The top reason is accountability. The second reason is to keep my family and friends updated. The third reason is because I need a place to share my frustrations! I'd love to get your feedback, so please share :-)